As far as personalities go, my husband and I are the same. We both test out as INTJ’s on the MBTI test. It’s good and bad and strange sometimes. However, the MBTI doesn’t have anything to do with your spending and savings habits. Quiet people aren’t always savers. Introverts don’t all love numbers and spreadsheets. In the case of money, my husband and I are opposites.
Nerd VS Free Spirit
Dave Ramsey uses these terms to describe the saver and the spender in his Financial Peace University class. There are varying degrees of spenders and savers, but in every case it can cause tension in a marriage. We just don’t have the same goals or game plan when it comes to money. We see money in completely different ways.
I’m a saver.
Nothing gives me more satisfaction and peace than to have a pile of money set aside. I collect money. I seriously have a collection of $100 bills. My current goal is to save 100 of them. It doesn’t bother me one bit to have that pile of bills versus the stuff it could buy. I’m pretty content with what I have. Security means so much more to me.
Hubs is a spender.
He’s also a dreamer. He has plans for his money. It’s spent in his mind before it even gets here. We’ve learned our lesson on debt so he won’t borrow to get something. But as soon as the money is there, it’s time to use it. He knows this about himself and he is very aware of the need to take care of his family, so he is not careless about money. However, with two different thought processes about money, it can be hard to get on the same page.
When talking about money, my husband and I have come to realize and accept that we have some different personal goals. I’m a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom and I want to make my writing and this blog a full time career. I’ve seen others do it. But blogging is still not looked at as a “regular job” and it’s going to take time to build, so it takes some faith for him to give me the freedom to try. He’s been a huge support.
My husband wants to become a self-defense instructor. It’s been his hobby for many years. He sees a future and a potential for income in pursuing it. He is a software engineer, so this seems like a leap of faith. Yet, I can see his passion and I want to be equally supportive.
We’ve also dreamed together. Someday, we’d like to take that trip. Someday, we want to buy a house. Someday, we want those cars or that thing. We want to retire wealthy. And we want to leave a legacy to our children.
Dreaming gave us the same goal.
The common denominator in all of our dreams is that, in some way, we will need money to accomplish them. That gives us the same motivation to become debt free. Getting rid of our debt will free up the income to push hard for our dreams. Dreaming has put us on the same page. Dump the debt. As. Fast. As. Possible.
Savers and spenders can work together. It’s okay to have different dreams as long as you dream together. Helping each other reach your goals creates teamwork. It creates unity in a marriage where there was division and conflict. If you find yourself on opposing views regarding money in your marriage, take the time to dream together. Be open and willing to help each other make your dreams a reality.
I’ve created this What’s Your Dream worksheet to help you start the process of dreaming, individually and together. Print off a copy for each of you and then talk about where your dreams overlap. From there you can start to make plans to reach those goals. Together.
Don’t downgrade your dreams to match your reality. Upgrade your convictions to match your destiny.
Have you talked about your dreams with your spouse? What helped you get on the same page when it comes to money in your marriage? Leave me a comment.