What You See Is NOT What You Get.

minimalism, goals, simplicity.

I started 2016 without any goals.  No New Year’s resolutions.  No plans for the future.

Toward the end of 2015 I found myself in a downward spiral of obsession and claustrophobia. Each day was a chore to get through.  I never seemed to have enough time to do what needed to be done, so I did a lot of nothing.

It seemed foreign to me to not have any goals for the new year.  It’s out of character but I just couldn’t focus on anything outside of the immediate.  I couldn’t even imagine what the next year would bring because I couldn’t see past tomorrow.

I happened to be sitting in my sister’s kitchen on January 1st.  We have always have tried to get together on New Year, whether in person or online,  because we’re planners and goal setters.  However, this year we didn’t make any plans.  It was only a last minute decision to drive the 3 hours to visit her.

Instead of planning, we chatted about our current struggles and the feelings of lethargy that we were apparently both dealing with.  We took the time to reconnect and sympathize.  Honestly, we didn’t have any great words of encouragement for each other.  Only that we could understand what the other was going through.

I mentioned to my husband on the ride home that night, how neither my sister nor myself had been able to come up with any great goals for the new year. We felt stuck.

That’s when he said something that was a complete paradigm shift for me.

He said, “Not all goals have to be life changing.”

I realized then that I had been looking for something that was going to completely revolutionize my life.  I wanted THE GOAL that would pull me out of the doldrums and shine a light on a bright new future.

But those words set me on a new path.  A path of simplicity, instead of enormity. A path to be taken one step at a time.  A path to be strolled for the sheer pleasure and not for some extravagant destination at the end.

What has happened since January 1st has been a series of deliberate steps that have, in the course of few short months, altered the course of my life in a very “life-changing” way.  I didn’t plan it.  I just walked it.

I want to share with you those deliberate steps and somehow help you walk out of the mire of overwhelm and into the spaciousness of balance. What you see is not what you get.  You can change your perspective, open up, and get more out of life.

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P.S.  Part of this change is giving Coffee & Confidence an overhaul.  I appreciate your patience as I work out the kinks and think out the quirks to bring you something fresh and new.

 

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Excuse the Mess!

Things are changing around here and it’s messy!

There have been a lot of changes going on for me in the last few months and it’s time Coffee and Confidence reflected it.

Like any change, the website revamp will take some time.  So, hang in there and keep checking in.  I’ll be around more and will be bringing you some fresh new content.

Thanks for your patience and support!

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A Friend Understands You Anyway – Words of Wisdom

friend, understands, words

friend, understands, words

They say as you get older your circle of friends gets smaller.  Because you stop putting time into things that don’t matter and really invest in the things that do.  You find out who your real friends are and you quietly let the others fade into your past.  Quality versus quantity.

Introversion is a common phenomenon in creatives.  We look inside to deeper depths.  We find meaning there.  The superficial is frustrating clutter we have to paw through to find the real substance in life.  We relax on the bottom line and communicate in the language of significance.

Introverts think so intensely yet our voice is seldom used.  Thoughts which make sense while free-associating in our minds exit our mouths in a jumbled mess of disorderly context.  Frustrating to say the least.

Mostly, I just want to be left alone… until I don’t want to be left alone. – Me

Friendship is work for me.  I enjoy my own company so much I have to remind myself that it’s necessary to reach out to others.  Usually it strikes me at a time where I can’t figure life out on my own.  Then I’m left wondering, who can I talk to?

Those dry spells are the times when you should be looking for ways to invest in relationships.  I know it’s hard, but an introvert’s closest friend is likely going to be another introvert.

The problem is, we don’t hang out at parties.  We don’t announce our presence.  We don’t advertise in the classifieds.  MWIF (married white introverted female) seeking coffee drinking friend who enjoys books, lulls in conversation, deep philosophical discussions and is not easily intimidated or offended.

Listen up, my creative friend.  You might actually have to go looking for someone to connect with.  You might have to initiate the first contact.  You won’t die.  Promise.

Finding someone to connect with may not be as hard as you think.  Likely, there is another quiet person in your social circle who hasn’t introduced their presence into your life yet.  They’re just observing and not talking, like you.  Maybe in the same room.  Maybe with the same thoughts.  Maybe one invite to coffee is all it will take.

And, don’t worry about the conversation.  When you find someone who is equally awkward and deep and philosophical, you won’t have to be concerned by how well you can voice a thought.  Understanding will just come.

How would you suggest an introvert go about connecting with other introverts?  Leave your comment here

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